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Single, Sexy, and 50!! The case for proceeding with one's transsexualism-UPDATED 5/17
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Single, Sexy, and 50!! The case for proceeding with one's transsexualism-UPDATED 5/17  I am pretty happy with the continuing evolution of things in my personal life. Things just seem to get better... I think it is manifesting in my emotional comfort and my physicality. I am feeling very fortunate to be me. Photo is from 5.15.2010- a week after my 50th birthday. I am proud of the picture, not for it's sex appeal, but what it represents regarding my personal triumph. Several people have written saying I can't be 50?! Nope, I am FIFTY, in this picture! People not aware of my progress I have published here, have asked if it is me at all- like i have posted some other persons' picture... nope it is me, I'm afraid. The image far less adulterated than 99% of the images we see in media in our lives. I stripped my life down to bare bones, in my 40's, becoming the girl in the picture. Lost or forfeited all material accumulations from a lifetime of reasonably hard work. I never claimed to be an employer's 'wet dream' but I have always been a reliable quotient in the workforce. Truth is as I get to this point with myself, it is really very worthwhile and cool. I like myself now, despite the social complications seeking fair minded companionship. A horizon awaits that is a complete adventure. I live in a funky city subsidized apartment, my neighbors are often straight out of prison, county drug rehab, or otherwise many would be in mental health facilities- if they had them anymore. I came here based on destitution, and then disabled status, grateful for official awareness that my impending life on the streets would likely be a very brief one, ending in a morgue. I have no car, have been broke for several years... learning, developing and healing. Healing from a lifetime of falsehood, self deception and self hatred. I have surrendered my familial relations over my honesty, been discredited professionally... and for what? Doing what half the world does anyway. It's none of anybodies business when I walk down he street what's between my legs ...unless they are hitting on me. But, occasionally, people seem to want to make it their business. I recently received a grant to attend school to get a professional certification in Human Resources Management... I have administered businesses for a few decades, just never held and HR title. In my work I have often had a high profile role in organized labor, negotiating contracts and handling workplace disputes. I think being a person so driven by 'fairness', and unilateral respect, and fighting for it with polite, stiff backed logic and a smile...places me in a unique place to be what I am gender wise. Reflecting, I really was born to be me. Anyway my interest in the HR field is a direct activist response to getting roughed up in corporate America with hostile, bigotry over my transsexualism. Somewhere, somehow, I'll be the one holding the 'policy' cards. In the background I have a very unexpected windfall of financial resources coming my way over the next few months. I can complete my graduate level schooling over the summer, get my last modest, non surgical girl things done, extricate myself from this nutso half way house I have called home for 22 months. I'll have a car again to secure a higher level of 'female' type safety navigating the world, opening all variety of opportunities... I am leaving Portland as soon as I finish school (been through enough here thanks) and likely going 'home' to Seattle- closer to my very conventional and accepting extended type family of friends...to reclaim a productive place in society, as a completely overhauled person. I am so fortunate to be sober, attractive in my new self, have choices, and some level of personal security again. i think the greatest thing anyone who has followed my blog should note is that despite all this adversity, despite the stalemate of depression, anxiety and lost time... with baby steps I have responded, schemed and plotted.. and I am winning the game with myself. It has been scary- two years ago suicidal scary, but summing up how I used to feel inside as a man in unwanted shoes, living an unwanted life fueled on dope, booze and resignation... contrasting that with the challenges I have victoriously faced down, the emotional clarity I have about myself- my physicality is emblematic of something much deeper and more important to me. The physical manifestations of my transsexualism, are the indications of a much greater process of internal growth. ...Knowing myself as a healing persona, optimistically believing in myself for the 1st time ...knowing what the hell I am doing in varied areas of my life, and why. I spent my 50th birthday alone, the only of a healthy, wealthy, un betrayed mother that didn't call, broke, happy, alive and grateful. Grateful I have been true to myself, and like it or not, like a late sixties Frank Sinatra, I am making my own little comeback. Healthy, clear eyed and self aware...and likely a whole lot tougher than anybody that tries to get in my way. - Said the well educated, honorably discharged veteran, law abiding citizen. I suggest anybody struggling with transsexualism or substance abuse... be brave, get help, be honest. It's hard, scary as hell, and worth it to get right with your soul. The reward cannot be quantified... it is just known, and felt, your own private treasure. If you know or love somebody struggling with any of this stuff... love and support them, please. My little mantra is like this now, "Show up, be nice, try hard". It seems to work, for me. It only took 50 years to figure it out. Now it is time to see what might happen to me... given the chance, I have given myself. Pretty good birthday present. Sometimes I feel like a transsexual version of Jimmy Stewart at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life". My wife and I were happy for 20 years, and then we met.- Rodney Dangerfield |
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12/5/2019 12:58 pm |
hello there im a bi man in elma wa and id like to meet up with you ive been in a relationship and she is cool with it and wants to watch us so feel free to call us at 360-482-1426 ask for john
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