Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2021 5:17 pm
312247 Views
0 Comments , 83 Pending
What is this world coming to?
Posted:May 6, 2021 5:09 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2021 5:53 pm
126 Views
You leave your cell phone unattended for just a moment and...

BAM!!

Attempted hacking.

Thanks to the marvels of modern technology my cell phone is equipped with a neat little feature that takes a photo of the perpetrator and EMAILS it to the legal owner.

Me

Imagine my surprise to find out this is my attempted hacker.



The violation...

I may never be the same again.

Happy Thursday!
11 Comments
Have I died and gone to heaven??
Posted:May 5, 2021 5:32 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2021 4:47 pm
641 Views

The Downstairs Nightmares have MOVED OUT!

Perhaps I've done my time and suffered enough in this world....

I noticed last night that their truck wasn't parked in the handicap spot in the parking lot and it was surprisingly quiet down there.

"You know, I haven't seen the downstairs' neighbors truck out there. It was pretty quiet down there last night, too."

"Duh, mom! They packed up a U-Haul yesterday and moved."

"They did?? When did they do that??? How do I not know this????"

"They did it before you got home yesterday."

"I think I need to sit for this....."

Feeling faint....

What is this I'm experiencing?

Is this.... Dare I say..... Euphoria??

"Do I detect a drama queen?"

Turning on her heel, the Spawn rolled her eyes and headed down the hall.

If she only knew how much misery these horrible people caused me!!

I had to know for certain they were actually gone so I snuck downstairs and out the door to peek into their doorwall to make sure.

What a nightmare!

They are definitely gone but they've left a disaster zone in their wake.

garbage bags sat in the middle of the empty apartment, full of garbage, one tipped on it's side with the trash spilling out. Empty liter pop bottles littered the dining area and the carpet doesn't appear have ever been vacuumed.

Don't forget, these people had 3 dogs who never went outside....

I can't even imagine how terrible that apartment smells. Cigarette smoke, dogs, filth.... I want dry heave just thinking about it.

I practically skipped back up the stairs my own apartment.

Why, yes Virginia.... There is a Santa Clause.

Happy Wednesday!
37 Comments
Can I hide?
Posted:May 4, 2021 2:02 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2021 5:55 pm
1429 Views

I'd like to hide from life today. Do you think anyone will notice?

A friend of mine took some senior pictures of my in his cap and gown on Sunday.

He looks so grown up....

She shared them on her photography page and tagged me on the link, I think I've cried about a million times now. My time with him is so quickly coming to a close and I'm really not sure I'm going to be ok.

Wish me luck.
10 Comments
What can I say... I'm a class act!
Posted:May 3, 2021 3:45 pm
Last Updated:May 5, 2021 5:46 pm
2014 Views

As if I don't embarrass myself enough during the course of the ....

Let's throw in a little uncontrollable coughing and eye watering to sweeten the pot!

Bonus!!

Mascara smeared my eyes??

Even better!

Can I manage to do this with an audience??

Golden!

I had just taken a sip of water to have it go down the wrong hole as the New Guy was entering my office.

It was a magical moment....

Gasping for air a little, I immediately started to cough while my eyes watered uncontrollably.

There was no gaining my composure.

"You know what makes me mad...."

Really??

This guy is going to sit here and complain to me while I choke to death before his very eyes?"

*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*

"No, what?"

I barely squeaked it .

Stars were circling before my eyes and I was certain I was about to pass out... New Guy was oblivious.

"I get so ticked off......."

He went on and on but I never heard a word. I was about one cough away from hacking up a lung when he finally asked if I was listening to him.

" sorry, that water went down the wrong hole just as you were walking in."

", I saw it."

Really???? You SAW it and yet you continued on like I wasn't dying before your very eyes???

The average person would ask if I was ok.

I guess he's not your average man....

Happy Monday!
28 Comments
It's a cat heart attack, dear Liza.....
Posted:May 2, 2021 4:21 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2021 4:30 pm
2604 Views

Why yes it IS possible scare the living daylights out of your kitty!

Here's how you do it:

Apply detoxifying charcoal face mask to face while kitty is on balcony.

Sit on couch, call kitty.

Wait for kitty to bounce into the living room and onto your lap.

BAM!

The moment kitty looks upon your face and sees nothing but white eyes peering from behind that black face mask she will be recoiling in terror, eyes wide, bounding away as fast as her little legs will take her.

I have to admit, I probably got a little too much enjoyment out of this when it happened a few minutes ago.

Can't wait to see if I can pull it off again.....

Happy Sunday!
22 Comments
Caramel Apples and Exploration
Posted:May 2, 2021 4:45 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2021 3:28 pm
2802 Views
The Spawn and I trekked out to Petoskey yesterday to see what we could see.

For the first time in a long time she actually seemed to.... Enjoy herself.

Smiles....

Laugher....

I even managed to sneak a few pics of her smiling.

Imagine that!!

It was a glimpse of the Spawn yet to come.

Confident, self-assured, a friend.

Aside from the caramel apples I picked up at the candy store, my best finds were found at the bookstore.

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you are just drawn to something?

When I entered the store I just stood there for a moment and glanced around.

Cluttered, colorful, full of people...

One of the workers yelled over to us a 'hello' and we hello'ed back.

Cheerful.

Before I knew it we were descending the stairs to the basement level and I was closing in on the poetry section.

Almost as though I was being pulled toward it....

I went immediately to this.



The Spawn had found a copy of 'Milk and Honey' and exclaimed...

"I wanted to read this book but the library doesn't have it!"

We left the store two books happier and richer!

I ended the day sharing my caramel apple with my Middle while he told me about his accomplishments of the day.

This will forever be my favorite memory of eating a caramel apple.

23 Comments
Saturday Morning Yoga
Posted:May 1, 2021 5:14 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2021 3:39 am
3674 Views

I did a beginners minute morning yoga routine this morning.

Nothing like a little yoga to remind you that you are NOT very flexible.

Egads....

I ended up not going to the gym last night, I was completely exhausted when I got home from work.

Exhausted to the point that I sat down on the couch and fell asleep in the blink of an eye.

Literally....

So, I figured a little yoga to start my day would be needed.

Uh.... Yah!

Soul crushing, I tell you.

Their version of beginner and my version of beginner... Two totally different things.

I participate in a Hinge Health program through my health insurance and as part of it you have access to all kinds of stuff, exercise routines included.

This is where I found beginners yoga!

It would be helpful though if they had an actual beginner doing the video. Some of us would like to see the chubby girl with the flexibility of a tire iron attempting to remain balanced as she threads the needle....

There I was, perched on my yoga mat watching the demonstrator on the video threading the needle with her right arm, head and shoulders on the mat, pulling it off in slow.... smooth.... movements.

"Exhale as you thread the needle with your right arm....."

My version was not quite so smooth.

Oh shit! Lost my balance...

I don't think my shoulder was meant to be on the mat....

I'm stuck... OMG! I'm stuck!!

Is my knee supposed to crack like that?

While I did manage to thread the needle with both arms, sound effects were involved. And a little profanity....

But I did thread that fucking need.

Happy Saturday!
20 Comments
A blank page....
Posted:Apr 30, 2021 3:29 am
Last Updated:May 1, 2021 4:36 am
4439 Views

I'm struggling find words fill it.

When I got home last night the Spawn was sitting the couch just waiting disapprove of .

"Mom, really?!?"

"What?"

"Another shipment of bras??"

Rolling her eyes, she glanced off behind me a bag that was laying the table.

" goody!! The last 3 finally got here."

"Um, how many does that make now, like.... a million?"

Standing , she unplugged her phone and started heading into the kitchen.

"One day you'll realize, when you find something you like that fits you, you buy it in every color."

Unfortunately, she's not quite old enough for me to impart my wisdom on her yet. It goes in one ear and out her mouth as a snarky retort.

One day.... One day I'll get my chance to be Yoda.

I just hope I don't have to look like a little, green stroke victim in a burlap sack to pull it off.

Until then, osmosis it is.

Something's bound to sink in from time to time.....

Happy Friday!
29 Comments
Laziness abounds!
Posted:Apr 29, 2021 3:50 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2021 3:06 pm
4643 Views

I don't know how much of this comes through on my blog, but I'm kind of a clean freak.

A place for everything, everything in it's place....

You don't invite company over when there are dishes in the sink....

The first step to getting your life in order is to get your house in order....

I realized, though, when I wore the last of the new underwear I bought because I ran out of clean underwear last weekend and STILL haven't done laundry, something is amiss!

My bedroom has become a swirling vortex of dirty laundry ready to claim it's next victim. I find myself shielding my eyes from the mess as I climb into bed at night, each night telling myself....

Tomorrow I'm going to HAVE to do laundry!

Yet, tomorrow comes, and no laundry has been done....

So, here I sit this morning, silently cursing myself for, yet again, not doing any laundry after work last night. It's gone past the uncomfies now and I'm officially into the depths of the drawer where the Forgotten Realm lies....

The realm where missing socks and tummy control underwear go to die.

I've managed to find a pair with leg holes that were cut just a little too small and a waist band that's just a little too big.

Now, this is going to be a fantastic day!

I can't wait to hike up my drawers every 5 minutes throughout the day....

I think this may be the kick in the ass that I needed, though, to get that fucking laundry washed.

If I make it through the day without chucking these things in the garbage, it will be my lucky day.

Happy Thursday!
33 Comments
Oh.... Cripe!
Posted:Apr 28, 2021 3:48 am
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2021 3:30 am
4997 Views

My cat is in heat.

Ugh....

I'll definitely be making an appointment to get her spayed when this is all done. She's an annoying nightmare right now.

I've only ever had one cat in my life and, she as probably already fixed by the time we got her, so I've never experienced this before.

This sucks!

Until then, wish me luck!
27 Comments
How many umbrellas are considered too many?
Posted:Apr 27, 2021 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2021 3:10 pm
5017 Views

Depends...

Are you leaving work?

Is it pouring down rain?

Are you currently without an umbrella??

Then, you can NEVER have too many umbrellas.... The other two umbrellas in your car need a third!

I was the checkout purchasing yet ANOTHER umbrella when I heard a voice yell my name.

It was my Work BFF.

"Oh my God!! !!!! so glad you saw , I was almost the door! How are you??"

, I sounded a little like a five year old who had just seen her parents after the Christmas play .

Loud... Excited... Smiley...

He was still happy to see , regardless, and we ended up talking for quite a while, catching up on his new job and some of the happenings in his personal life.

Long enough, in fact, that it actually quit pouring outside and the sun was coming out as I walked to my car.

Thank God I bought that third umbrella!

Egads...

Happy Tuesday!
20 Comments
How do you dress?
Posted:Apr 27, 2021 3:43 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2021 5:47 pm
6656 Views

When the weather man says...

It can be anywhere from the mid 40's to the mid 70's today.

Really?

Um.... Is that a scientific guess there, Michael Stevens?

I feel like someone who has spent that many years in meteorological school could kind of narrow that down *just a little*. I do realize everything you forecast is basically a meteorological guess based on a weather pattern you are seeing on a screen...

But 40 - 70 degrees??

I can't wait to see what the actual temp gets to today.

I'll keep you posted.... Happy Tuesday!
47 Comments

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