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Wat Religion Is Your Bra? 5/5/2007
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's
and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd
like to buy a bra for my wife." " What type of bra?" asked the clerk. " Type?" inquires the man, "There's
more than one type? "Look around, " said the saleslady, as she
showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. ...
3 Comments, 185 Views,
15 Votes
,4.66 Score
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Irish Priest 5/5/2007
An Irish priest is transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley
rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas
mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to
get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle
of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this: ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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INSTALLING A HUSBAND 5/4/2007
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly
in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 ...
4 Comments, 174 Views,
14 Votes
,6.34 Score
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Marriage 5/4/2007
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the
wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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tounge twister 5/3/2007
read to yourself and then say outloud quickly
One smart fellow he felt smart Two smart fellows they felt smart Three smart fellows they all felt smart.
enjoy !!!
1 Comments, 72 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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cakes 5/3/2007
An elderly Welshman is on his deathbed. He can feel the end
isnt far off, when he suddenly notices a wonderful aroma.
He realises his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favourite
food...Welsh cakes.
He finds the strength to drag himself to the kitchen and
as he reaches his frail, withered hand up to the table, he
suddenly feels the whack of a wooden spoon as his wife barks
"fuck off ...
2 Comments, 143 Views,
15 Votes
,4.36 Score
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Someone steals a drunken man's car! 5/2/2007
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key
in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can
I help you, sir?"
"Yesssh! ssshomebody ssstole my car!" the
man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time u saw
it?"
"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man
replies, logically, if a bit too literally.
About this time ...
1 Comments, 175 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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at the zoo 5/2/2007
An elephant meets a camel at the zoo and asks "why have
you got tits on your back?"
The camel replies "thats rich coming from a fat fucker
with a dick on his face"
1 Comments, 124 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Walking the Dog 5/1/2007
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog
for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the . "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad,
may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom,
but she said the was in heat and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over ...
4 Comments, 338 Views,
14 Votes
,6.34 Score
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Bumble Bee 5/1/2007
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making
love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window.
As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's
a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took
her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, ...
2 Comments, 117 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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The Legless Parrot 5/1/2007
The Legless Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on
a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The
guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm
a defective parrot."
"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually
understood and answered me!"
"I got ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Washing! 5/1/2007
Fred and Mary use a code for sex, the word is "washing
machine". That night in bed Fred whispers to Mary
"washing machine". Mary says "not tonight
dear im too tired".
10mins later she feels guilty and says to Fred "washing
machine". Fred replies "too late, it was only
a small load so i did it by hand"
3 Comments, 164 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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HUSBAND WANTED 5/1/2007
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that
is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local
newspaper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay,
she opened the door ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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Wisdon from Larry the cable guy! 5/1/2007
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without ...
3 Comments, 97 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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Golf Lesson! 5/1/2007
A man had a terrible golf problem, so he went for a lesson.
Well, what should I do?", asked the man. "Hold the club gently, " the pro replied, "just
like you'd hold your wife's breast." Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball
250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went
back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and, the
wife couldn't wait for her ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Frog! 5/1/2007
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down
the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind
him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute, and knocked
on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked
what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside.
I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until
I get ...
0 Comments, 64 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Ball licker 5/1/2007
Two men are walking down the road and see a licking its
balls. The first man says: "Gee, I wish I could do that."
The second man replies: "Better pet him first. He
might bite."
0 Comments, 61 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Prison 5/1/2007
It's a stockbroker's first day in prison and on
meeting his psychotic-looking cell mate, when he notices
how scared the stockbroker looks. "I'm in for a white-collar crime, too."
"Oh, really?" says the stockbroker, sighing
with relief. "Yes, " says the cellmate, "I killed
a vicar."
0 Comments, 79 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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How to impress a woman 5/1/2007
How to impress a woman: compliment her, cuddle her, kiss
her, caress, love her, tease her, comfort her, protect
her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine
her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go the ends
of the earth for her. How to impress a man: turn up naked with beer.
0 Comments, 65 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Honestly!!! 5/1/2007
Two cows standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated
this morning."
"I don't believe you, " replies Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
1 Comments, 88 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Finish the old stories.... 5/1/2007
Little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how
was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, , I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together
in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with
your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded
room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard
drive. As soon as I was ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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golf course 5/1/2007
Question: Do you know the most difficult Golf Course in
this world?
Answer: “Woman’s hole” No matter how many strokes or style
u play, your balls will never go in!
0 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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some parents know where are their priorities 5/1/2007
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her
period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows
that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who
was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The
girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops ...
2 Comments, 193 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Loses Virginity 4/30/2007
A 17 year-old comes home one day with a grin from ear to ear
and proudly proclaims to his father that he is no longer
a virgin. His father is pleased to have another "MAN"
in the house and goes to the fridge and grabs a couple of beers.
He hands his a beer and beaming with pride says, ",
tell me all about it...what was it like?" The tells
his father, "Dad, it was incredible, but I have one ...
1 Comments, 251 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
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When I Was 4/30/2007
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion.
So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with
stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Retired 4/28/2007
Upon reaching 65, old Tom decided to retire. After having
him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated
with him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy
his time, like join a club or get a hobby.
Old Tom obliged and went out for a couple of hours. When he
got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh,
I just went down to the park and hung out with the ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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language skills 4/27/2007
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived
happily ever after in Toronto . However, the poor lady was not very
proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.
The real Problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One
day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't
know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, ...
3 Comments, 129 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
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MARKETING 4/27/2007
>> The buzz word in today's business world is
MARKETING. However,
>> people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
>> Well, here it is:
>>
>> 1.You're a woman and you see a handsome guy
at a party.
>> You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic
in bed."
>> That's Direct ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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ARE YOU GIVING 100% ? 4/27/2007
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more
than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone
wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What
makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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NEW FED TAX ON MALE THINGMAJIG 4/27/2007
2007 Tax Code
The only thing that the Goverment has not taxed yet is the
male penis. This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it
is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard
up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents
and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the penis will ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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