|
Ski Lodge 9/14/2016
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms,
so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the
guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid
dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes
up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then
the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny,
I dreamed I was skiing!”
1 Comments, 38 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
|
|
Local Ad 9/14/2016
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking
for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up,
won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days
later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms
so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won’t run away.”
“What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman
retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, ...
2 Comments, 36 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
Why did I get divorced? 9/12/2016
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents
forgot and so did my . I went to work and even my colleagues
didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office,
my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch,
she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said,
"Do you ...
3 Comments, 120 Views,
12 Votes
,4.57 Score
|
|
Sounds 9/11/2016
How do you classify women based on the sounds they make during
sex?
- There are the sopranos who say "Ahh.. Ahh... Ahhh..."
- The mezzo-sopranos saying "Ohhh... oohh... oohhh..."
- The Contraltos yelling "Uhh.. Uhh... Uhhh..."
- The opera singers who cover all three above and make sure
the whole neighborhood knows you are doing her. - The positives screaming "Yes... Yess... Yess..."
- ...
2 Comments, 48 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
|
|
gay jokes 9/9/2016
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a bar stool ? turn the stool over.
why do gay guys used ribbed condoms ? for traction in the mud
what do u call a gay guys ball sack ? mud flaps
1 Comments, 21 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
gay jokes 9/9/2016
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a bar stool ? turn the stool over.
why do gay guys used ribbed condoms ? for traction in the mud
what do u call a gay guys ball sack ? mud flaps
0 Comments, 12 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? 9/6/2016
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on
your face.
2 Comments, 32 Views,
8 Votes
,0.70 Score
|
|
rude joke 9/5/2016
How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
1 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
Have You Seen Ilene? 9/5/2016
This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
looks at the guy and says, "Have you seen Ilene?"
The guy is rather confused and asks, "Ilene who?"
The bartender replies, "I lean over and you kiss my
ass."
Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and
into the bar across the street. So he sits down and orders
a beer. While he is drinking his beer he ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
Performance 9/5/2016
This old man goes to the doctor and says:
"Doc, you've got to do something. I cannot perform
as I could when I was younger."
"What do you mean?" - asks the doctor.
"The first goes just fine. Then the second, I get tired.
But I simply cannot continue after the third." - the
old man complains.
"Well, in your age three is quite a good performance,
I would say. Why ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Confession 9/5/2016
Old Kohn, goes to the confession in the church of a small
town. He kneels down and says:
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned." - he starts.
"Is that you Mr. Kohn?" - asks the father.
"Yes, but I'm here to confess. So forgive me Father
for I have sinned."
"Well... OK... I guess... What's your sin my
?" - asks the father confused.
"As you know father, I ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
M&M joke 9/2/2016
Three guys die in a car crash a white guy, a mexican and a black
man. Before they get to heaven the devil has to get a shot
at them so he stops them and says "hey i am going to grab
on to each of your dicks and if it melts you go to hell"
They all look at each other and shrug their shoulders thinking
fair enough. The white guy puffs out his chest and says "give it
your best shot" The devil ...
1 Comments, 93 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
Future 9/2/2016
Little Johnny and little Suzy playing in the swimming pool.
Little Johnny looks at Suzy and says: "Nananaaaa... You don't have this thing between
your leeeegs..." "Nananaaaa... Mommy said, when I grow up, I can have
as many as I waaant..." - she comes back.
0 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
words!!! 9/1/2016
a husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use per day....30000 to a man's 15000.
The wife replied. "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men".
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
1 Comments, 42 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
Add your sex joke 9/1/2016
sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner.
You better have a good hand!
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
The NHL 9/1/2016
NHL is the real joke and not even a real sport !!!
0 Comments, 5 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Profiles 9/1/2016
A few guys in here - disguises themselves as women- please
take precautions .
When they Ask for Photos of your asshole.... Beware.
0 Comments, 15 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? 8/31/2016
Lickalotapus.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
adult jokes 8/28/2016
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
|
Meow 8/26/2016
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much
that she began to rub it vigorously until... ...the pussy
cried "Meow" and runs away.
Moral Lessons 1. Be kind to Animals 2. Always keep your thoughts clean...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
overly used joke 8/23/2016
whats the difference between 69 and 6.9?
a great thing fucked up by a period
5 Comments, 37 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
My Favorite Animal 8/23/2016
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said,
"Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny; but she couldn't have
been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried
chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened,
and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said
they love animals very much.
I do, ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
|
|
Swallow 8/23/2016
Do any men taste their own cum? Swallow it?
3 Comments, 41 Views,
8 Votes
|
|
trump!! 8/21/2016
Me: There are 3 Mexican roosters on one side of the street
how many legs do they have? Trump: 6 Me: how many wings? Trump: 6 Me: how many eyes? Trump: 6 Me: Ok, There are 3 white cats on the other side of the street
how many eyes do they have? Trump: 6 Me: How many ears do they have? Trump: 6 Me: How many whiskers do they have? Trump: I don't fucking know. Me: Seems like you know more ...
4 Comments, 104 Views,
19 Votes
,4.84 Score
|
|
Know the Right Word 8/20/2016
A man goes to the doctor's and says, “I would I like
to get castrated". The doctor tries to convince him
but the man won't listen. All he keeps on saying is,
"I want to get castrated! I want to get castrated!
I want to get castrated!”
The doctor says, "Your life will be changed after
this operation. Do you still want to go ahead?"
“Yes!"
After a few hours the man ...
2 Comments, 105 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
Headache 8/18/2016
So this guy comes out of the bathroom, full monty with obvious
signs of wanting to have some kinky-time. His wife looks
at her and says:
"Nooo, Honey... I have a headache."
"No worries, darling. I just put some Aspirin on the
tip of it, so now you can decide if you want to take it as a pill,
or a suppository..."
1 Comments, 50 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
|
Hunter 8/17/2016
This hunter goes to the wild to shoot a bear. Finds a track,
follows it to a cave. Hides behind a rock to see if there is
movement in there. When he sees, he raises his gun and shoots
into the dark.
The bear runs out in fury and grabs the hunter and tells:
"You made me really angry, hunter. You have to make
it up to me that you wanted to kill me, so kneel down and blow
my dick." ...
1 Comments, 97 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
On The Campaign Trail "Political Humor" 8/15/2016
Trump and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail.
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries
and puts them in her pocket. She says to Trump, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't
see anything and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely
win the election."
Trump says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty
you have displayed throughout your entire ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
Night school 8/15/2016
Two policemen are walking the streets on duty in DC. They
pass the Lincoln Memorial.
"Do you know, which president Lincoln was?"
"I have no idea."
"Well... If you went to the Night School, you would
know that he was the 16th president."
They walk a bit more and pass the White house.
"Do you know how many rooms are there in the White House?"
...
3 Comments, 107 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
|
|
Farmer 8/15/2016
This old man goes to the doctor for help:
"Doc, we are happily married couple for 59 years now.
I love my wife, and now that we'll have 60th anniversary,
I want to... You know... One last time do her really good,
but... Well... The Captain is not as fit as he used to be."
"Don't you worry a second. Take this pill, and
at the beginning of the dinner, take it. I can guarantee, ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
13 Votes
,4.65 Score
|
