bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559COLOR blueSIZE 4BREMEMBERB We have nothing to fear but fear itselfBBSIZESIZE 2COLORCOLOR blackSIZE 2SIZE 1 Iand spidersISIZECOLORbling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559COLOR darkblueSIZE 3PLEASE READ THIS OR DO NOT RESPOND OR EXPECT AN ANSWERSIZECOLORbling id211551COLOR blueSIZE 2Please read the whole profile esp the testimonials before emailing me It will keep you from being fustrated or feelin foolish trust me Im not your typical woman I can drive a stick shift Why do men think this is fascinating I am more than my pics I have a brain I am looking for BfriendsB online first and maybe more Not looking for meaningless sex or cyber Please email me before trying to IM me I want to know who you are and not be doing a search first I wont respond wo knowing who you are If you wash your hands more than 50xday please dont contact me unless youre a busy health professional If you watch Klee at ohdarkthirty and contemplate your colon health youre not for me Any relationship would be based on ragging you about impacted fecal matter If you cant laugh at life please move on If your astrological chart says were a match were not Geography is not an obstacle Im moving in 09 and looking for a new home base Just because youre close doesnt mean were a match just because youre far it doesnt mean we arent quotLong walks on the beach at sunset holding handsquot as an interest isnt a plus unless you plan to fly me to a beach from landlocked NW PA I dislike prosthelytizers I was born right the first time If God is your copilot Im not a passenger Do NOT send your phone number until I ask for it This means not in the first email or the first 20 minutes of an IM I dont like pushy people I like to get to know someone before we talk IRL That saves finding out if the other is psychotic stalker drunk in the middle of the night I have to talk to you and tell you I love you and repeat it for 3 hours serial killer sshole too soon If the email or IMs are boring to you call a chatline Get real this is online dating Pix of your quotthingyquot dont impress me sorry It doesnt make me swoon Use some imagination and quit posting the ugly little head that has no smile Please dont send a pic below the waist and think some magic makes it more special than the thousands of others on this site Does it cure cancer Does it shoot lasers Does it play the guitar Yes they all stand at attention I want to see your smile Dont tell me what you want to do to me weve never even met Guaranteed youll never get there if you do Dont insult me by sending a single line thinking it will make me hop Talk to me If you wouldnt say it in front of your momma dont say it to me And please be able to spell This sounds minor but if you dont care to write a decent profile a first and lasting impression and dont have the savvy to use a Spell check I dont think well click I wont post pix of my dawg too many petophiles around Sex does not mean it HAS to be crude and smutty For me is a tender act between two people who care about each other And it comes after getting to know someone not by expecting to put a notch in your bedpost If thats what you want or have had in the past I am not interested in adding to your body count Go away I am presently concentrating on one particular body and its not YOURS wink But friends are greatBNO MARRIED MEN NO MARRIED MEN NO MARRIED MENB You are not the exception This also goes for any attachment Im a nice lady who needs a few new friends or maybe a partner in crime Should be born on or near this planet but not currently in touch with the Mother Ship Hair is optional teeth are not store bought or Godgiven Please only one chin per customer Parents should be no more closely related than second cousins You do not pull off the wings of flies Should be heightweight proportional not quotas tall as widequot Also quota few extra poundsquot does not mean 50 or more Please no recent inmates need apply I am very upbeat and looking for the same Remember the brain is the largest sex organ My hobbies include dwarf tossing bail jumping going against the grain swashbuckling and howling at the moon I had to give up looting and pillaging though Im getting a bit old for that I stay crunchy in milk Ive been on Geraldo I am honest to a fault OK I drive a gashog van So sue me Im loyal as a puppy but mostly housebroken kind to dumb animals and men wait thats redundant very loving and cuddly read sickeningly mushy except for the aforementioned milk thing caring and giving until you ask for a loan and love touching in private and PDAs public displays of affection Yeah Im Mary Freakin Poppins you got a problem with that But dont be afraid I do have a serious side Write and see if we could be friends first Remember if you have the right partner there are no tough times Sharing cuts your sorrows in half but doubles your joySmiling is very important to me can you make me smileCOLORCOLOR yellow bling id168205 COLORCOLOR bluequotWe dont stop playing because we get old we get old because we stop playingquot Doyle Brun Texas Dolly is the manCOLORCOLOR darkblueB Nuke a Godless Commie gay baby seal for Christ Bbling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559bling id309559

My Ideal Person COLOR darkblueSIZE 2Interesting and attractive people who can spend an evening concentrating on whats ABOVE the neck I have just started a new reltionship so for now I just am making BfriendsB Since there is no listing for that I guess it falls under quotOther Alternative Activitiesquot I like to do just about anything new and different Ill try anything once provided the risk of dying is low If I dont like it I dont have to do it again Im classy enough to impress your mom but also to know when to tell a dirty joke in a bar I guess we cant go quotclubbingquot cuz people gripe about the dead baby seals So lets tag an overpass with the periodic table together wink Sharing something is so much better than doing it alone Hear a band see a movie have a nice meal or just go for ice cream Maybe we could devise an evil plot for World Domination Id even let you rule Empress of Earth is good enough for me That way I can skip the pesky board meetings I truly enjoy good company and conversation I love to be feminine heels dresses jewelry perfume but dont mind getting dirty I am a quothat personquot Good manners are a turnon If youre nice to me Ill share my pomegranates Lets not allow existence to replace living There are so many nice places around here for picnics just to go out and enjoy the splendor This time of year we wont be skiing though Im allergic to snow I like rides in the country with or without a destination We can listen to Clapton or Cream or Blind Faith Heck we can even listen to Derek and the Dominoes Im flexible I can be a cheap date it doesnt have to cost a lot of money to be fun We could play laundromat games and sneak sexy lingerie into hubbys load of briefs and watch the fur fly as she folds or put red socks into white loads Lets share a Rice Krispy Parallelogram and poke dead things with a stick IAre we having fun yetISome of my interests includestaring directly at the sun corpse reanimation anesthesiologist for tree surgeons ruffling feathersforensic entomology drives me buggyherding bats paying attention wait where was I crittersowning some eating others Oompa Loompas rawk reading The Cat in the Hat has such great plot twists history of the World Part I proving Einstein wrong entering through exits writing manifestos cloning myself National Sarcasm Society Like we need your support putting stink bugs in bosses car getting rid of evidence andor witnesses mutating shiny objects oooooooh collecting warts posting my exs number in gay bars laughing at Creationists Remember Dyslexics are teople poo biting my toenails yours if ya askdefying gravity OOPSY Bobby FlayAlton Brown guys wBBIGB spice racks yes guys with a quotSpice Rackquot size matterssubatomic universes burning stuff FIRE PRETTYfake vomit being unimpressed chasing rabbitsfaceeating weasels nobody expects The Spanish Inquisitiondividing prime numbers juggling potato chips COLORSIZEISIZE 3COLOR darkredshrunken heads BDONORS NEEDEDBCOLORSIZEICOLOR darkblueSIZE 2BGREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNEDB No matter how hard you try you cant baptize cats When your Mom is mad at your Dad dont let her brush your hair If your sister hits you dont hit her back They always catch the second person Never ask your 3year old brother to hold a tomato You cant trust dogs to watch your food Dont sneeze when someone is cutting your hair Never hold a DustBuster and a cat at the same time You cant hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk Dont wear polkadot underwear under white shorts The best place to be when youre sad is Grandpas lapBGREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNEDB Wrinkles dont hurt Families are like fudge mostly sweet with a few nuts Todays mighty oak is just yesterdays nut that held its ground Laughing is good exercise Its like jogging on the inside Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber not the toyBGREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLDB Growing old is mandatory growing up is optional Forget the health food I need all the preservatives I can get When you fall down you wonder what else you can do while youre down there Youre getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster Its frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions Time may be a great healer but its a lousy beautician Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes aloneBTHE FOUR STAGES OF LIFEB1 You believe in Santa Claus2 You dont believe in Santa Claus3 You are Santa Claus4 You look like Santa ClausBSUCCESSBAt age 4 success is not peeing in your pantsAt age 12 success is having friendsAt age 16 success is having a drivers licenseAt age 20 success is going all the wayAt age 35 success is having moneyAt age 50 success is having moneyAt age 60 success is going all the wayAt age 70 success is having a drivers licenseAt age 75 success is having friendsAt age 80 success is not peeing in your pantsBHOW TO TELL WHEN YOURE GROWN UPB Your houseplants are alive and you cant smoke any of them Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question You keep more food than beer in the fridge 6 AM is when you get up not when you go to bed You hear your favorite song in an elevator You watch the weather channel Your friends marry and divorce instead of quothook upquot and quotbreak upquot You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14 days Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as quotdressed upquot Youre the one calling the police because those damm kids next door wont turn down the stereo Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you You dont know or care what time the mall closes anymore Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt You take naps Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset rather than settle your stomach You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid not condoms and pregnancy test A 4 bottle of wine is no longer quotPretty good shtquot You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time quotI just cant drink the way I used toquot replaces quot Im never going to drink that much again quot 90 of the time you spend in the front of a computer is for real work You drink at home to save money before going to a bar When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking quotOh sht what the hell happenedquot When its 10 PM and instead of getting ready to go out you wonder why you arent in bed yetUBONUSU You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesnt apply to you and cant find one to save your sorry old ssBRULES FOR LIFEB Never eat at a place called Moms Never play cards with a man named Doc Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance Never share a foxhole with someone who is braver than you are Never argue with a woman when shes tired Never argue with a woman when shes rested Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog Never go to bed mad Stay up and fight Never decide to buy anything while listening to the salesman Never argue with a fool People may not be able to tell the difference Never use a preposition to end a sentence with Never argue with a man who buys ink by the gallon Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river Never say quotOopsquot in an operating room Never try to outstubborn a cat Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance Never eat prunes when youre hungry Never say quotSorry we dont have what youre looking forquot Always say quotI just sold the last one the other dayquot Never use one word when twelve will suffice Never hold a contest at a square dance Never buy a recording of a heavy metal barbershop quartet Never listen to Chubby Checkers quotLets do the Twistquot when youre stuck in quicksand Never be the first to do anything Never let go of what you have unless you have hold of something else Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow Never start something that you cant finSIZECOLORbling id322892